It’s time! The newest season of the bachelorette is underway featuring Desiree, who was one of the last women standing during last season’s “The Bachelor” with Sean. Yes, I have watched the last couple of seasons of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette.” Yes, it’s garbage television, but it’s the kind of addicting television that keeps you coming back for more and more each week. You get invested with the bachelor(ette) and the different contestants and before you know it, you’re hooked. Add to that the possibility of a drinking game, and you’re all in before you even realize it.
Since I’ve already admitted this as a guilty pleasure, I might as well go ahead and break it down for you (look for an updated version of “The Bachelorette Drinking Game” to come soon!):
I’ll be honest, when they first announced that Des would be “The Bachelorette” I was a little bit surprised. Don’t get me wrong, she is definitely attractive and has a great personality (one of those personalities that makes a person more attractive than they actually are), so she does meet the requisite requirements. But she seemed to take being dismissed especially hard…I wonder how she will hold up when she becomes attached to multiple men and has to disappoint and go through multiple multiple “breakups” where she is forced to send them packing. Des’s family (specifically her brother) was extremely skeptical of the entire “Bachelor process” (with good reason), so I have to think that they strongly tried to dissuade her from going through the process and the scrutiny as the bachelorette. But apparently she decided to go for it. I liked Des, and I hope that I still do after this season.
Initial thoughts about the dudes from the opening episode:
First of all, consider how bizarre of a situation this is: these guys have to put in their little bio videos/applications to be a contestant on the show long before they know who the bachelorette will be. It’s only after they have been chosen that they find out who the bachelorette is. So they applied to be a contestant and fall in love with…whoever. And then post hoc, “Oh, I’m so glad it was Des.” Hmmm…suspicious.
Ok. Back to meeting the dudes.
As a bunch, it’s not suprising that a group of attractive, successful dudes showed up. Of course, there are some that are more sensitive, more brawny, brainy, and dousche-baggy than others. And of course, many of them tried to make some kind of initial “lasting impression” for Des. Here are a few high(low)-lights.
Nick tried to impress Des with a little display of magic (no, seriously, he’s a magician on the side). He actually seemed like a pretty nice guy, and I was kind of hoping to see more of him, but Des let him go at the end of the night.
Diogo came out of a limo in full-on armor. Ahh, yes…the “knight in shining armor” trick. Unfortunately, it only made him look ridiculous as he was pretty inept at walking in it (I can’t blame him really) and it caused him to sweat profusely. Adios, good sir.
Zak (it’s cooler without the “c”) is completely jacked. And he likes to hang out naked on his ranch in the middle of nowhere Texas. He also seems like an early candidate for big d-bag as he asks “will you accept these abs” and is the first dude to cannonball into the pool this season. But he got a rose and moves on (and I’ll admit that I kind of like him).
Juan Pablo is a former pro soccer player and the don Juan, latin-lover extraordinaire. Des can’t say his name (really?!? the most basic names in Spanish…), but she keeps him around.
Ben plays the kid-card as he has his little son come out to meet Des as well. The kid is definitely a cute little guy and when he gives Des a flower, she absolutely melts. It’s not a surprise that he is an initial front-runner.
Bryden is the sensitive, soft-spoken military guy who has done a tour in Iraq and whose dog is his best friend. It was fitting for him to get an early rose on Memorial Day.
Larry, a doctor, is just a few years too old for Des and gives a bit of a creeper vibe. He tried to teach Des a dance move, but blew it and nearly ruined her dress. He’s unable to move beyond that blunder in his later conversation and only makes things more awkward and uncomfortable. Good-bye, Larry.
But the creepiest and biggest dousche-bag moment(s) came from Jonathan. He stole the show as he became the first person ever to be asked to leave before the rose ceremony for making Des extremely uncomfortable. He tried to escort her two times to the “fantasy suite” and suggested it several more times in only the few minutes that he was on the show. In his side interviews he mentioned the fantasy suite several more times, how he wasn’t afraid to be “bold” and take risks/go for it, and something really weird about his “love tank being full.” This dude should not be allowed alone with women.
That’s just a smattering of some of the contestants that stuck out for various reasons. I’m sure more stories and sub-plots will unravel and develop as the season moves on.
Most Important: How can I turn this into some sort of drinking game?
Ahh, yes. Now we get to the good stuff. Check out the post here for the drinking game to the last bachelorette (Emily). For the drinking game, there are two main parts: the “pick a date” portion where you choose a particular contestant for that episode and follow drinking rules based on that individual’s actions/behavior in that episode, and the “general” portion where recurring actions/behaviors by anyone (i.e. certain “buzzwords”, discussion of “the rose”, claims of being a great future husband/family-man, long gazes that fade to commercial, etc.).
Some initial thoughts for “buzzwords” that require a drink:
“I was in your shoes”
I’ll work on getting out the updated version out soon. In the meantime, check out the previous version (yes, now linked three times within this post), and feel free to give some suggestions and modifications in the comments section here!
And don’t feel any shame that you are hooked and actually looking forward to each week’s episode of The Bachelorette. It’s summertime, and tv is a little slow. (Even aside from that, I think you’ll find it strangely addicting and entertaining!)