Well ladies and gentleman, The Bachelor is back. And they came back in style with a 3 hour premier that featured a live “red carpet” bachelor event, packed with previous contestants and “success stories.” “Hey guys, we’re as big as the Oscars or Academy Awards, right….How about we host a red carpet event to kick off the season premier?!” Yeah, that was totally within reason…
Along with the (2?) success stories in attendance, we also heard from one of the more notable disaster stories in recent seasons. We got a live interview with Nikki, the winner from Juan Pablo’s season. TBH, I actually came away with all kinds of respect for Nikki as she took the high road after a barrage of ridiculously baited questions… Was Juan Pablo a bad person or just a bad boyfriend? Did he ever pay attention to you or make you a priority? Did he ever express himself fully to you? Essentially, Chris Harrison showed that he wasn’t bitter at all about that season, and left no doubt in our minds at all about how Much he liked JP. Right….Harrison came off as a total D-bag trying to dig up dirt or get some sort of negative JP sound byte. Kudos to Nikki for not biting.
[“Success” Side Note: Andi and Josh are still terrible…but Harrison seems to like them. Probably because they aren’t Juan Pablo. He also still asked a lot of awkward questions and made weird references to the fact that Andi nearly chose Chris…as she was standing alongside her current fiancé (not Chris). Hey remember that time when you almost chose Chris and moved to Iowa… Andi: Stoppppp. He’s a maaaaan! (unclear who she was talking about here)]
This year’s show will feature one of the finalists from Andi’s season, Chris Soules. Chris is an Iowan farmer, so beyond the “Soules mate” and Prince Farming jokes, get ready for plenty of farmersonly jokes and references. At least I thought so:
For those who don’t know, farmersonly.com is a real dating website. We also also had an unexpected (though pretty obvious) joke come from the ladies on night one. “Hey, you’re a farmer right… You can plow the f$&@ out of me anytime.” Ok. Wow. And, yes she did get a rose at the end of the night.
So the girl with the dirty jokes got a rose on the first night. Oh, and so did the girl who got really drunk and nearly tipped over during the rose ceremony. Really?! It used to be a well-known fact that the person who gets too toasted on night one is sent home. But then again, crazy onion girl also got a rose. I guess that pulling the old “ogres are like onions…they have layers” line out of the Shrek playbook somehow worked??? She’s a loose cannon is all I know…and those crazy eyes aren’t doing her any favors as far as making her seem remotely sane. But at least we know that Chris has a good head on his shoulders and axed the girl who brought a (fake) heart in a cooler…that looked disturbingly real. And we know he’s got class because he sent the wrestler chick packing.
They also tried to mix up the format (as if they need to actively try to inject any more drama) by starting with only 15 females as suitors for Chris (normally they have 25). But after Chris had briefly mingled with those first 15, Harrison pulled him aside and let him know that he had 15 more women to meet. Draaaaaammaaaaa! The women who had already arrived watched him greet the new women from the limos….completely horrified that these women “were so much more attractive” and that now their “odds were going way down” – seriously they said that stuff right next to one another.
We also got to witness the season’s first kiss. Britt, the waitress from Hollywood, got some sweet smooches in after receiving the first impression rose. Likely the first of many many smooches to come. And probably some sex, based on the previews. [Will Chris supersede Sean as the most enthusiastic kisser?? Gosh I wish I could kiss you.]
All in all, it promises to be a season packed with drama, twists and turns, and plenty of individuals all there for the “right reasons” that is, looking for true love. For ongoing analysis, trokspot will keep you updated as we follow the young lovebirds on their “journey.” Man I love those bachelor buzzwords.
Perhaps an updated drinking game to come…