Where to begin… Alright, how about a quick Week 2 update!?
Remember when I said that Andi and Josh were terrible? Well, they broke up. And apparently they did so even before the season opener extravaganza, so that whole bit was a charade. That’s pretty desperate by them or The Bachelor, whoever was responsible for trying to cover it up and still parade around the red carpet affair.
Chris goes on a date with Mckenzie. She turns out to be crazy. That along with just being very young, and acting young. And she named her child Kale.
Chris exclaims “Holy schnikes!” at one point, reminding us that he isn’t that young. And also that he’s not that cool…
Ashley continues to prove she is even crazier than the first episode suggested. She clearly scared the other girls when she had a weapon in her hands. And yet she got another rose, lending even less credibility to the show and Chris’s judgment.
Virgin Ashley tries to swallow poor Chris. [she makes for a total of two crazy Ashley’s on the show]
The kissing is coming…
Ok, on to this week.
Jimmy Kimmel shows up! This was pretty much the highlight of the entire episode – anytime Jimmy appeared. Chris’s expression that morphed from sleepy to confused to joyful was the perfect way to kick off the episode.
Kimmel goes on to essentially mock the entire show and process. He creates a “swear jar” where each time the word “amazing” is spoken, a dollar goes in….pretty much belittling all of those amazing experiences and amazing feelings everyone is enjoying.
I’m fairly certain that Kimmel was brought in because Chris is fairly underwhelming and we needed some life injected into the show. Those outdoor showers alone aren’t doing it. But, outdoor showers with Jimmy, now you’re talking!
Kimmel also crashed a one on one date and proceeded to make many many jokes about dating all of the women at once (and trying to sleep with them all in the fantasy suite). We then get a gratuitous shot of him sitting in the hot tub munching on some chicken wings while the lovebirds are but a few feet away doing some serious smooching.
Speaking of smooching, Chris “really put himself out there” and spread some love with the ladies this week. It got to the point that on the group date all of the girls were talking to each other about how weird it was with all of the kissing he was already doing.
It got to the point that our dear young friend Mckenzie asked him why he was kissing all of the girls… This created some incredible awkward silence and discomfort from our Prince Farming. Quick Chris…use your bachelor buzz words! *awkward silence* “Uhhh… That’s a good question. *gulp. sweat* I’m just trying to put myself out there and not hold back…” Phew. Those bachelor buzz words sure are handy!
Chris is definitely on pace to set the kissing record on the bachelor. Good thing he’s a farmer. That way we know he is the most genuine and friendly no matter what actually happens. [see real Iowan farmers here their take away: are we required to watch this? that was 2 hours of my life and I’m 54…I’m now dumber]
Also stirring up quite a buzz is Jillian…the muscle girl who is too inappropriate for tv. Seriously, this girl could probably bench press Chris (and he’s got a little bit more of a belly than we have come to expect from previous bachelors). She has also been censored in just about every single shot she’s been in… A little black box covers her nether region every time she is wearing shorts, spandex, or a bikini…what is she hiding under there?
Jillian also has the most impressive display of athleticism thus far in the season. She makes a running leap and hops a fence to try and wrangle some pigs. [The pig wrestling was a part of the group date challenge, but that leap to get there was pretty impressive!]
Whitney also happened to get a one on one with Chris and they went to the vineyard…how romantic! But, they saw a wedding happening (coincidence!?) and decided to crash it. We a.ready knew that Whitney could work a room, and this proved it as she felt right at home with all of the strangers. We knew Chris was kind of boring and slow, and the wedding crashing also highlighted this as he was uncomfortably stumbling over words. BACKSTORY: Uh, we can be newly engaged. And I’ll be from…uh…Argentina. Wait, what!? Better work on that back story, sir.
Thus far Whitney might be the favorite. But only because she’s such a bundle of energy that I could see her making up for Chris. But could she be in Iowa? Yes and no. I see her as needing the hustle and bustle of a city and career. But then I also see her perfectly content being in a small town and running the show and doing all kinds of school and kid stuff. Time will tell..
PS. Jimmy gets the final laugh with his last piece of advice to Chris: “Don’t be yourself. Be someone who gives better speeches.” And he does the final Chris Harrison ‘only one rose left’ bit during the rose ceremony…again mocking the entire process. Touché Jimmy.