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the ashley show (bachelor recap)

27 Jan

As the title implies, I really felt like this week’s episode turned out to be “The Ashley I Show” instead of The Bachelor.  That’s due to a few factors, the two largest being that 1) Ashley I is crazy (so is the other Ashley) and 2) Chris is really not the type of strong or interesting personality that controls the show and demands attention. I guess that’s why they brought in Jimmy last week, and that may be why they brought in his sisters this week…we need some extras injected to help him out.

Speaking of sisters, Chris’s sisters seemed pretty reasonable. They ended up selecting Jade to go on a Cinderella date with Chris. They brought in a fairy godmother, gave her a ball gown and jewels, and even showed a clip from the upcoming Disney movie remake. You would never guess that Disney owns ABC.  Oh, and all the while, we see Chris practicing his terrible ballroom dance moves…watch out Dancing with the Stars!

Back to more Ashley. She tells us over and over that she wanted a princess date and she even brought her own dress because she just knew there would be a princess date and she wanted to be ready.  And why didn’t she get it, because of course she wants it more than anyone else and would love it more than anyone else.  So not fair.

ashley-i-sad-bachelor-w352

 

But wait, before we actually get to the ball, Chris goes and spends some time in nature with the ladies. They hang out at a lake (which we find out from Kelsie is actually a terribly ugly lake….nothing compared to the beautiful lakes she is used to in Michigan), and they go camping.  Oh, we actually find out that Kelsie is both kind of lame, but also a little evil(??), and probably too self-aware for the show. She sits off on her own during the date and proclaims the show to be a competition for bimbos….as many of them jump and splash around naked in the lake. So she’s probably right.

Also, when one of the girls proclaims that they must be the luckiest girls in the world, Kelsie gives a phenomenal stink eye and simply states Really?!

sitting alone not enjoying the outdoor group date

sitting alone not enjoying the outdoor group date

 

More Ashley…and even more proof of how awful (and dumb) Ashley is when she and McKenzie try to pitch a tent. Seriously, those two…wow. But also, the cutoff jean shorts unbuttoned with the little crop top for Ashley. And then the kissing.  Oh the kissing – er…face swallowing – is so disturbing. And then going out of her way to mention, but not really mention, to Chris that she was a virgin…in very vague terms as she woke him up during a dead and drunken slumber.

PS. She mentions it again right before the rose ceremony to Chris, who is shocked. She’s really throwing it around, flaunting it throughout which is kind of annoying. But then we also find out that Beca is also a virgin as a personal choice, but has decided not to fling it around for all to see and hear. Thank you.

By the way, Kaitlyn, kudos to you for commentating the entire camping trip. Kaitlyn is a new favorite for me. She’s attractive and her commentary was enough to keep me very entertained. She’s on point, and obviously has pretty good awareness and people skills to know each of the girls and comment on the fly like she did.

Back to Jade though. She and Chris seemed to have a really nice time together at the ball. Of course, the symphony playing for just the two of them to dance to is awkward. And it’s even more awkward with Chris’s dance skills. But honestly, Jade might be my favorite at this point, which actually means that I don’t like her for Chris.  I think she’s probably too good for him.

the bachelor chris soules and jade

 

On the second one-on-one, we get to meet Jillian a bit more in depth. Of course, Jillian won the one-on-one through a physical competition – a race through a big obstacle course similar to a mud run / tough mudder / spartan race while wearing wedding dresses. This is not a surprise to anyone, as Jillian has long since demonstrated her dominance and athletic prowess to everyone.  One girl even questions who has the bigger penis, Jillian or Chris.

But we get to meet Jillian, and she turns out to be quite a handful. She talks quite a bit about everything, but especially her fitness and involvement in different shows/competitions. She’s actually much more of a talker than I would have imagined.  And probably more than Chris would have imagined as he stated, “I become confused. Because the words come out faster than I can process.”  Chris is really putting together a solid resume.  But I actually end up feeling sad for Jillian…Chris decides not to give her the rose on the date and she actually tears up a bit saying that she was nervous and out of her element.

So we definitely know Chris is serious because he sent home someone from a one-on-one. Oh, and also because just before the rose ceremony he tells the girls that they are free to leave if they question that he is there for the right intentions. I was hoping he would say “right reasons” because we really haven’t had quite enough of that yet this season, but “right intentions” works.  This little speech was inspired by a confrontation from Britt, who sat him down and tried to get some information out of him, like how he actually felt about her, and also share that several of the girls had some (fair) reservations about the amount of kissing and whatnot he was doing with everyone. So Chris, in typical fashion, stumbled and stuttered, and didn’t utter a single full sentence. Then he went off and told the girls they were free to leave.  But Britt still got a rose. Phew! (Just keep in mind, the whistle blower never wins…)

PS. Ashley I wore her princess dress to the rose ceremony. So glad she got to put it to good use.

 

 

Notably not getting a rose (finally) was Ashley S.  What a bizarre individual. If she is not a hired actor, I really hope she gets a little help and support from someone.

Favorites: Jade, Kaitlyn, Whitney.

 

 

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