(late*) bachelor update

05 Feb

Shit got weird.

Seriously, the first bit of this episode was…interesting…to put it mildly. Poor Carly had no idea what she signed up for when she went on her one on one with Chris, where they spent time with a sex therapist/guru. Touching, eating chocolate, partially stripping, and then dry humping while sitting and making out…

Note: I studied human sexuality in grad school for a while, so this in and of itself is not something I find disturbing or wrong. But the level of discomfort that she had with the entire situation was uncomfortable to watch.

Bachelor singing Disney princess

She was nearly in tears for part of it. Not a great first date. Especially for the singing Disney Cruise entertainer who already has issues with physical intimacy. Maybe know your date a bit better before you take it to that level.

Although, like, in the end they, like, totally, like, had a great conversation about, like, everything. And we, like, learned, like, how often Carly, like, likes to, like, use the word like.

I guess things get out of control when you leave the country. Oh wait, sorry Megan, but New Mexico actually is not leaving the country. I’m sorry that you got really excited to take your first trip out of the country and to see the big hats that everyone wears there…and I’m sorry that you spent so much time thinking about why its NEW Mexico…is the other one OLD Mexico or just regular Mexico??  #worldtraveler

Fast forward to a great group date of white water rafting down the Rio Grande. I’m surprised any of them even decided to go at all after Sisco’s safety talk. “If you fall out of the raft, your foot might get caught and then you’ll probably get sucked under and die. Have fun.” Thanks a lot, Sisco! I liked you better when you were singing the Thong Song in the mid-90s. Seriously, there’s another individual out there somewhere named sisco….and he’s teaching white water rafting classes!?

Sisco thong song

wait, there is a different sisco…and he does white water rafting classes in new mexico



So on the next group date, Jordan shows up. Jordan who was the college girl getting wasted at every opportunity before being dismissed…hey, why not live it up at the mansion!? I think the conversation went something like: ABC: “Hey, the group date is going to be in New Mexico, want us to fly you down?” Jordan: “Hmmm, why?” ABC: “Well Chris is kind of boring so we’re doing everything possible to inject interest and drama.” Jordan: “Can I drink?” ABC: “Sure. PS. You came here on your own…we never talked to you.” Jordan: “I’m in.”

Ok, so maybe it didn’t go down exactly like that, but Jordan didn’t seem like the type who was crushed enough to go out of her way to win Chris’s heart one last time. Either way, it did inject some tension to the group date. Beca has a heckuva stank eye, and Ashley I goes predictably nuts. I really thought she might combust.

Whitney is not happy about it, but takes it in stride, which only serves to make Ashley more infuriated. But Whitney’s just looking out for Chris…after-all, she wants Chris to end up with a…nice girl. A fact she emphasizes later on when we really see that Kelsie may actually be even a little more evil and crazier than we thought. She is not a … nice girl …

PS. Jordan doesn’t even last the entire group date as Chris sends her home. He faces her “like a man” and does it “out of respect for the other girls.” With that whole like a man thing, you probably wouldn’t have put the blame on the other girls for sending her home. And with the whole respect thing, you probably wouldn’t be “dating” and making out with 20 girls at the same time. But that’s neither here nor there.

But seriously, Kelsie is now possibly the most evil. She certainly has the most maniacal laugh. And her blissful discussion about How amazing my story is… I’m writing my own fantasy here that’s all caught on camera… *maniacal laugh*  Ok, if her perfect husband really did die suddenly just a year and a half ago, and this is her reaction, then I just don’t know what to say about her. So weird.

Kelsie the bachelor

And all of this came pouring out in a well-rehearsed story during her secret meeting with Chris. Which was then not a secret as he spilled the beans to everyone right before the rose ceremony…. THAT NEVER HAPPENED.  Wait, what?!? That’s right, they’re leaving us hanging. They never finished the rose ceremony. Partly because of this talk that Chris had with Kelsie. And everyone is now pissed at her.


Stay tuned for next week! Yikes….what will unfold?!


Oh and PS. Britt also pissed everyone off because she and Chris had some sex. And they woke everyone up to the sound of their kissing at the crack of dawn before their one on one. And she sleeps with makeup on. And she doesn’t shower. And she essentially told everyone that they did have sex at the end of their one on one. The girls are not happy with her. Sorry, Britt.

Britt the bachelor



*I’m a little late for two reasons. 1) We were doing a little traveling and had to survive a blizzard in Chicago. Yes, the one weekend we decide to go back and visit the Midwest, we run into a blizzard.  2) All of these 2+ hour episodes mean that it’s past my bedtime before I can write anything up. I’m getting too old for this, and The Bachelor is getting too long and dramatic…


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One response to “(late*) bachelor update

  1. B

    February 6, 2015 at 1:54 PM

    This is crazy



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