The Bachelor: The Women Tell All

03 Mar

Near the end of each Bachelor(ette) season, ABC brings back the contestants …errr… previous boy/girlfriends who have already been eliminated.  They get a chance to reconnect with each other, which mostly ends up in unpleasant confrontations and accusations about who was real or fake and who was the villain and who had it coming.  They also get the pleasure of watching their breakup and other awkward moments all over again….nothing like reliving painful experiences that you suffered for all of America to see…with all of America watching, again on tv. And then they get to see bachelor Chris again for closure, which of course is him just trying to save face and come off as mildly empathetic for having to let such a great girl go (remember at this point, our Romeo has made his decision and is already with one of the remaining two ladies). And it’s all moderated by Chris Harrison who just eats up the entire ordeal and continues to pry and dig in and extract those little sound nuggets of reality tv gold…Would you say that if not for Carly, you’d be with him right now?? Keep on stirring that pot, Harrison.


This season did not disappoint in putting on some very unique personalities that in turn created lots of drama for ABC to work with. It also created plenty of fodder for last night’s episode. There were several women who were chomping at the bit to confront one another.

First things first, we can now confirm that Carly really was pretty evil. I mentioned in a previous post that she seemed to know she was on her way out and did whatever she could to drag Britt along with her. Near the beginning of the season, we kind of saw a Carly who seemed to be insecure about her own self worth and whether she deserved love, which created some sympathy and some votes for her to do well because she seemed nice and innocent. Then we find out that she’s actually a bit of a bully herself, with Britt, Jillian (how big is your dick!?) and likely others. We saw some of this in the final episodes in which she appeared, and definitely last night. Not cool, Carly.

Jillian really impressed me. Largely because she seemed to be level headed and stuck up for some of the girls when the others were really piling it on. Nice work.

Britt. Oh, poor Britt. She was not the right person for Chris, even if she did desperately try to convince us (and herself) last night that she really did love him, and that she really would have been okay in Arlington. Many of the ladies did seem to question her sincerity in these claims, but they really seemed to pile it on a bit too much. Especially Carly. And how about Em’s observation about Britt and Kelly Kapowski…















Speaking of piling it on, Kelsey basically got crushed last night by everyone. I guess her eloquence didn’t get her out of this one. Not to be terribly mean myself, but I can certainly see why so many of the girls had huge problems with her. She clearly is a manipulative person, and she did think that she was better than the other girls. It’s been a running joke between Em and I that Sanderson Poe is actually a character in an olde novel which she only imagines she was married too before his tragic death…because really, whose name is Sanderson Poe? More suspiciously, who only refers to their significance other by full name!?! But the other girls legitimately calling that into question and not believing her on a sensitive issue to her face on national television is a bit over the line in my book.

Jade is again forced to bring up her Playboy history. And this time gets to confront Chris and ask him if that’s why he dumped her.  Again, he says no. She then gets upset and says that he upset her when he said he was disturbed at the difference in the way her family described her versus how he knew her, and that he thought it was awkward to look at her photos with him. She didn’t like the words disturbed or awkward…I can kind of see where she’s coming from, especially in a situation where she put herself out there (see what I did there), but come on, Jade, it’s Chris. He’s no wordsmith. On top of that, who knows how much control he even has over the blog that he has to put out throughout the season.

Kaitlyn also had a chance to gain some closure from Chris. He said that it was a gut decision and sometimes it’s like throwing darts at a dartboard in the dark. Oh, ok. I guess that’s a good method to use when trying to find love. But I get what he was saying….he had to make a choice and there really wasn’t anything wrong with Kaitlyn that made him not pick her. But she was also the only one that we heard Chris say he was falling in love with. And we know that they made some sweet love in the fantasy suite. That’s the first time I think I’ve ever heard the actual Bachelor or Bachelorette say to one of the contestants that they were falling in love to a specific person before the end of the show. Wow. And then he let her go. I still think she’s better off without Iowa, and I still think she’d be incredibly entertaining as the bachelorette…I just hope that the show wouldn’t ruin her.

The Ashleys. S really is pretty out there. She is still claiming that she is not a hired actor brought in to fawn over pomegranates or make everyone visibly nervous when handed a sharp object or paintball gun. And  I still seems to be a pretty terrible person and definitely immature. And what’s with that dress….cleave much??

Ashley I women tell all

Trina, no one had any idea who you were on the show, or that you were even on the show, until you tried to get your two cents in at every opportunity on The Women Tell All. Not interested then, still not interested now.

And of course, the maestro of it all, Chris Harrison. He is the (largely unnecessary) host of the entire bachelor enterprise, but I’m pretty sure that he lives for this episode each season.  He really loves to play the role of the counselor / therapist. Only he’s more interested in getting some juicy information out the the contestants and continuously pushing them to go deeper and give more and extract tears through the entire interview. He’s like the friend in high school who you spill your guts to and the next day the entire school knows, yet you continue confiding in that person over and over. He loves the power of the information and getting all the juicy stuff, all while stirring the pot and keeping the drama going. To Kelsey: Do you see why they might have found you to be condescending? To Kaitlyn: When was the exact moment you felt your heart break? To Britt: Would you still be with him if it weren’t for Carly? To Ashley S: Who are you….And will you please come on Bachelor in Paradise?! To Chris: They don’t call it the hot seat for nothing!

And wait…..Harrison wrote a romance novel?!?!? Oh. Em. Gee.


So there you have it. Reality tv at its finest. It puts “real people” in a very unnatural environment with certain parameters that it can control. They then edit it for our mass consumption and entertainment. And then they bring those people back together again in an unnatural environment to confront one another and rehash all that went wrong the first time around. It’s reality tv about reality tv….they’re getting returns on their returns, and we’re all here to enjoy round two.

PS. I think my money is still on Whitney to win it all.


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