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bachelorette update.

24 Jun

Well friends, I missed one in between, but how about a nice little b-party update…  Lot of action. We left off – and started – with Ian.

Ian seemed like a decent guy….until he started talking. Apparently he is better than all of the other guys there because he is a Princeton grad…and he has a LOT of sex with a LOT of women. But apparently Kaitlyn and the Bachelorette is too anti-intellectual for him. I get it, you put a bunch of bros together and the fart and sex joke will flow…. But you lose all credibility when you follow your “I’m deep” “I’m an intellectual” “she’s only surface level” with “god, I need to have some sex soon.”  Congratulations, Ian, you are likely the biggest d-bag ever to appear on the Bachelorette, but you made a valiant campaign for yourself to be the next bachelor, and made sure to tell everyone that you would be great if 25 women were all trying to date you. Sure, wouldn’t we all??

ian bachelorette

yes, biggest d-bag ever

And while this was happening, Nick, the sly dog, was prepared to take advantage. He’s played this game before (Andi) and knows when to take advantage of a great opportunity. So he goes to comfort Kaitlyn while the other dudes sit around dumbfounded. JJ actually says it best, “Damn, Nick just landmined us…”  Well said JJ…for once you are absolutely correct.

Then we finally get to the rose ceremony. This season, they have really been dragging things out for us to try and build the drama. Instead of ending each episode with the rose ceremony like they used to, they have been teasing the rose ceremonies into the the following episode. So we’re almost halfway through the episode before we get to the rose ceremony from the previous episode. Drama building. ABC, you sly dog.

So Josh get eliminated for saying the exact truth that every single guy in the house has said. (It’s never good to be the “truthful guy.”)  But they all threw him under the bus (maybe they hated his new hair cut?!?). So it’s too bad for him, although not all that surprising.

But hey, the group is going to Ireland!

Who is going to be the first to make the first “my penis is Dublin” joke… Apparently no one. Missed opportunity.

Jared? has wanted to go to Ireland for 10 years. Specific.

And, wow, Nick sure has traveled a lot on ABC’s dime. Well played, sir.

Speaking of Nick, Shawn is fixated. Like, he just cannot get his mind off Nick at all. Even for a few seconds. Jared actually has the best advice of the episode – and probably the season – saying that you can’t control her relationships with others. All you can do is focus on your own relationship and make sure you keep that moving in the right direction. And that’s really a good sentiment to try and keep their minds off Nick…

Then Nick and Kaitlyn have sex. That’s right….all of the sex that has been teased since the very beginning of the episode. Some solid video footage of a door, while Kaitlyn and Nick are behind that door moaning and groaning. All the while, juxtaposing images of Shawn looking hurt and wondering aloud where his relationship with Kaitlyn is…

kaitlyn and nick

Note to self: When Kaitlyn asks if you want to go “hang out” back at her suite, it probably means you’re on the right track….  And, I hope Nick won’t say anything…certainly means he will let the guys know he stayed in your suite and things got intimate…. You do remember that this was the guy who spilled the beans on national tv with Andi, right?!

Then we get to the following group date. Where Kaitlyn pretends nothing happened while she lies in a casket and allows the guys to tell her what they love about her. Must be nice to be the center of attention and have a handful of guys vying for your affections. Unless one of them mentions a bread dress and getting plucked to death…then it’s just weird.

I guess they’re all just looking for some validation. To be validated. Validation. But Jared is the one who ends up validated and gets chosen from the group date. We finally get the first awkward private band moment where the bachelor(ette) dances with suitor. I honestly thought Kaitlyn might avoid that altogether, but even she couldn’t resist the quintessential weird/awkward bachelor(ette) date.  Which leaves Shawn wondering about being validated.

Which leads to Shawn going to Kaitlyn’s room. To confront her. And cut to next episode… I can only imagine how this confrontation will go when he actually discovers that she made sweet love to Nick, Shawn’s arch-nemesis. At this point, he only thinks that he wasn’t chosen from among the group date…watch out Shawn – worse news is on the horizon for you!

At this point, I think Em is onto something when she says that Kaitlyn will be the first person to end up with no one. I think that the love-making with Nick might be irreparable with the other guys, and I just don’t think I see Nick sticking it out, or her sticking with him. We shall see…

#BrittBrady update!  Congratulations, Brady, you’ve entered the friend zone. Britt’s mom called you her friend. Not just once, several times. But the good news is that you two are closer than ever…you’ve practically morphed into the same person with the hats and shirts tied around the waist! How fun.

britt and brady the bachelorette

More hot takes to come!

 

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